Presenting Motherhood

November 11 - 13 I attended the National Women's Studies Association's annual conference. On a whim two other students from my graduate cohort and I put a panel together based on papers that we wrote in our Bodies and Technology course. We asked our professor to be our moderator since we knew she planned on attending. We were super excited that we got accepted but didn't really talk about it much.

Our department had a dress rehearsal for us that only served to make us more nervous, I think. Though I got a lot out of it and went to the conference feeling pretty confident. 

I really had a great time on this trip. It was the most saturated I had been in academia in a long time. I reveled in it. I felt more like myself than I had in a long time. 

The first session I went to was called Mothering and Hip Hop. omg, so good, even if it was an advertisement for a book that was coming out in a few months. I saw sessions on pedagogy, and activism, and mothering, and teaching trans, and online feminism/ activism. I participated in one highly interactive panel in which we broke into groups and mapped out bodies using beauty products. Then we mapped out the bodies we wanted to see. We added things like tattoos and voice and community and strength. I loved that it incorporated feminist pedagogy in the conference setting. So refreshing!

Since having a baby and going the whole "work-from-stay-at-home-mom" route I am not as immersed in school/ my academic life as I would like to be. My first semester of grad school I felt like I lived on campus. I had a shared office with 6 other people. We laughed, and fought, and cried. We had dinner parties, and I made two of my best friends in the world. Those 2 girls and I would stand outside and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and bond over the fact that we were in committed relationships and in school and not looking for friends (so funny). During the period where we wrote final papers for our seminars and graded undergraduate papers the 4 of us women in the program were cemented together for life. We spent long days in the library together buying one another coffee and snacks. Bringing fruits and veggies to share with one another. Supporting each other and snapping  one another back to reality when necessary. I spent all night with one of them and we bonded through our usual food, coffee, and cigarettes and wrote together all night long; we only slept 2 hours. Then got up and went to meet the others at the library.

When I transferred to my new department I spent a lot of time with my new cohort as well. We socialized a lot and talked and joked about feminist theory and pedagogy. I was pretty pregnant by this time and it was great to still have the freedom to go out and do whatever. But by the end of my first semester with them I was finishing final papers early and preparing to have a baby. I could not pull any all nighters. Everything had changed. I was removed from my submersion in intellectualism and thought and pondering. 

Going to this conference brought me back to my first semester. I even got to see one of the best friends I made my first semester. I got to bond with two of the women from my cohort now and we had some pretty interesting experiences. In three words, "Suck my C.V.". 

The chair of my internship committee introduced me to one of my favorite scholars. She writes about and has collected wonderful anthologies about motherhood. I got to chat it up with her (hopefully impress her) and get a few of  her books for super cheap!

We had a really awesome dinner with 2 of our profs. I don't think I'll ever forget it!

We stayed up late at night and cracked up over Paula Deen Riding Things and Feminist Hulk and our anxiety over our presentation. We realized once we got there that we were somewhat over our heads and that it was kind of a big deal that we were presenting at this national conference. We were 3 of about 5 Master's students who were presenting. Holy Shit!

I had a really good time and the experience was cathartic and liberating and somewhat guilt inducing. I was nervous before we left because it was the longest I was going to be away from Cameron since he was born. As we walked to the restaurant to go to dinner with our profs my chair asked me, "So, do you miss Cameron?" I said that I didn't miss him as much as I thought I would. She looked at me and said, "And that's OK". I hadn't realized that I didn't miss him as much as I expected until I was answering her question so I was smashed with guilt and her reply was exactly what I needed to hear.

Once I got home and thought about all this a lot more I realized that it really was okay. One of the things I promised myself, that BJ and I promised ourselves, was that we wouldn't lose our identity in the process of becoming parents. We were naive to think that was possible. It wasn't as though I lost who I am on the inside, the essence of what makes me Cheryl, but we've both lost the activities that made up so much of our identities. So, it really was okay that I went away to a conference and "rediscovered myself". It really was okay that part of me didn't quite want to leave yet when we had to. It really was okay that I didn't miss my son to the degree that I thought I would.

I'm so glad I reconnected with my nerdy intellectual self. I have felt re-energized and ready to tackle my last couple of weeks of school before I graduate. And I learned a lot about being the kind of mother who allows herself to do the activities that define her once in a while without succumbing to guilt. 

Adventures in Domesticity -- Liquid Laundry Soap Edition

As I mentioned in my entry about my home made dishwasher detergent I have also been making my own laundry soap. I tried powder but as I also said before -- we love laundry soap that smells really good in my house -- especially the beej. He's not sure it's clean unless it smells really fresh. I wasn't so happy with the powdered because I didn't feel it got incorporated very well together and once I got to a certain point the bits of shaved soap weren't getting any smaller. I also ran through the soap much more quickly and it made less than the recipe said.

After hunting around a bit I found a recipe that I could make in my 3 gallon bucket. Most of the recipes I found were for HUGE batches in 5 gallon buckets, so I was happy to run across it. I was also armed with the knowledge from reading the comments on other recipes that I could add essential oils to my liquid laundry soap.

The recipe called for the following ingredients:

1/3 bar Fels-Naptha or Zote laundry soap (or any other bar soap that doesn't have added scents, like ivory)

1/2 cup Washing Soda

1/2 cup Borax

10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons (my addition)

I decided to add Tea Tree oil for its antiseptic qualities (and I like the way it smells) and Lavender oil. Oils are sort of expensive, but I already had these on hand and so little is used at a time that it is still economical. I used 8 drops of each because . 

I also doubled the soda and the borax to increase the washing power since BJ is a chef and his coats and chef pants get pretty greasy and nasty. 

So then the recipe calls for you to: 

• grate the soap and add to 6 cups of water and heat until soap melts

•   add the washing soda and borax and stir until it dissolves

• remove from heat and put 4 cups of hot water into your bucket

• add the soap mixture and stir

• then add 1 gallon and 6 cups of water and stir

• let the soap sit for 24 hours to gel (should be an egg drop soup like consistency)

• add the oil after the soap has completely cooled (took about 8 hours)

Use 1/2 cup per load of laundry. I double it for the load of BJ's chef/ work clothes that I do weekly.

I originally intended to keep the soap stored in the bucket, but didn't want to have stir it every time I used it so I began looking for a container that would make it easy to store and then shake and pour. I had just happened to buy some cat litter (don't worry I washed the container out REALLY REALLY well) and was happy to not have to put the container in the trash. It works out really well. 

Yup. Next I need to think of a clever name for my soap so I can make a cool label for the container.

I didn't smell the oil after my first load but noticed that I liked the cleaning power of this homemade soap A LOT more than I liked the powder soap. My pastels and whites didn't seem dingy anymore which I loved.

So I did a little more digging around and found suggestions to add oil to the rinse cycle. I use a downy ball filled with white vinegar as a rinse aid (it is supposed to be good for removing soap residue) and I add 10 drops of oil to the downy ball.

I didn't have a dropper for the oil so I cleaned out this bottle and dropper (which used to be infant gas drops).

I still don't notice much of the smell on the clothes come out of the wash. But I like that it smells good while I'm doing laundry.

I'm not sure what I'm going to try next to increase the "smell good". But I do know that next time I make the detergent I'm going to do all tea tree oil in the detergent and add lavender to only the rinse aid. I'm also going to double the Fels-Naptha to make the soap a little more concentrated.

I'm sort of ok with my clothes not smelling strong since the smell goes away pretty quickly with the strongly smelling store bought detergents but I think I'll have to start adding bounce sheets to BJ's chef stuff. Unless, I can come up with some other idea for smell good! lol -- maybe a wash cloth that soaks in oil and water in between loads of laundry?

Next I'm going to make some household cleaners!

30 Day Photo Challenge -- Day 21 -- Faceless Self Portrait

So obviously I've been having a hard time finishing this in 30 days but with the conference I just returned from (thoughts coming soon) and my impending graduation (3 weeks) I've had to slow down on the picture taking. I will finish though!

This photo is scary and empowering to post all at once. I call it Tiger Stripes.

I shot this with my HTC EVO 4g with the default camera. I can't remember what exactly I adjusted in snaptastic because I took and edited this photo before the conference and am only getting the balls to post it now. :)

30 Day Photo Challenge -- Day 20 -- Bokeh

Whoops, forgot to post this one.

This is not a true Bokeh, but since I am shooting these with my phone I can't set the aperture to stay open longer which would allow me to achieve bokeh. I think this is pretty good for a phone and what I was working with!

Taken with my HTC EVO 4g default camera. No settings were changed and no editing.

30 Day Photo Challenge -- Day 19 -- Something Orange

The bane of my existence:

Taken with my HTC EVO 4g. Using the vignette filter on the Vignette app. Further edited with snaptastic.

30 Day Photo Challenge -- Day 18 -- Your Shoes

OK -- so they're not my shoes, but I wish they were!

Taken with my HTC EVO 4g.

30 Day Photo Challenge -- Day 17 -- Technology

Taken with my HTC EVO 4 g with the default camera.

That's my scentsy burner. Yay Scentsy!