Face Transformation

I have always been plagued with pretty terrible acne. I was never diagnosed but am pretty sure that I have cystic acne. When I was a teenager agonizing over the painful, ugly bumps my mom used to comfort me with the fact that I would grow out of it in my 20s. By my mid 20s I realized that wasn't going to happen but I had my acne mostly under control with hormonal birth control and I probably tried every 3 step system known to man. In my late 20s I went off birth control to try to get pregnant. My acne was the worst it had ever been. I began to suspect that some of the cleansers might be contributing to my problem. My skin was constantly oil because it was too damn dry from the cleansers. I decided to try the oil cleansing method (OCM).  My face got worse and I couldn't take the pain so I stopped that after 2 weeks. I just resigned myself to having terrible skin.

This was 4 years ago during my first year of grad school

Right around this time I stopped drinking soda regularly.  I saw some improvement and then started cutting more sugar out of my diet. Then I got pregnant. My skin started clearing up and I switched from proactiv to a one step neutrogena face wash. I had stayed at a friend's for a week to dog sit her dog, forgot my face wash and borrowed hers. I noticed improvement so I switched. My skin stayed clear all through my pregnancy and through the period I nursed my son. Once my cycle returned the acne came along for the ride. So, I got myself back on hormonal birth control even  though I was starting to worry about long term effects. It's been 2.5 years now and I just kept using neutrogena with the bc. My skin was better than before but still pretty oily. I recently stopped taking birth control again but I changed my skin care regimen again a couple of weeks before I stopped the bc. And the whole reason for this post! I got this giant container of coconut oil from Costco (a place I'm not ashamed to shop at) because I heard it had a lot of uses. I started putting it on my skin because I figured my skin was still getting dried out and I started noticing that on the days I didn't do it my face was more oily. Then I remembered this pin I had seen and I went back to check it out. Use a baking soda and coconut oil scrub every few days. Remembering my experience with OCM I was a little nervous to go all the way without face wash so I did the scrub every few days and washed in between. I noticed I was still getting pretty shiny on the days that I was washing so I quit. I have been only using the scrub every few days for the 3 weeks or so and just rinsing well with water on the other days and off of bc for two months now. My skin has never been better! I am so pleased.

Yesterday right after I did my scrub.

My scarring is smoothing out some, I don't have dark spots, I've only gotten two "bumps" right around my period and they healed quickly, and my forehead is no longer an oil slick. I feel like it's a miracle. It's so easy too, I just leave my hands a little damp after brushing my teeth, shake a little baking soda in my palm, put a dollop of coconut oil on there, mix it up, and scrub! I leave it on until I've been in the shower for a little bit and let some steam do it's magic. Then I just rinse it off (you have to use your fingers to get the baking soda completely off and out of crevices on your face!). It's weirdly refreshing too! If you've ever used that face wash that leaves you all tingly and is supposed to be invigorating: my face feels like that but better after I rinse.

 I'm so pleased with the results that I'm really strongly considering going no poo. My hair is out of control oily and I have found some really helpful blogs that give great suggestions. I know this has a lot of details that might seem meaningless but I included so much info because I'm not really sure why my skin is so great right now. Maybe it's that the bc isn't totally out of my system, maybe it's because I drink a lot more water and lot less empty calorie drinks, maybe it's because I'm making sure I eat more produce in combination with my new skin care regimen. I suppose time will tell but for now this is working and ecstatic!

Mixed Kids are the Cutest and Interracial Families are Beautiful.

This article that a friend posted to my Facebook "Mixed Kids are the Cutest", along with this book Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?, combined with a lot of my personal experiences have had me thinking a lot. I actually don't want to address what was said on FB about complimenting mixed kids on their looks alone. I want to address something that is related and has been popping up a lot lately too.I have noticed that a lot of people make a point of commenting how beautiful my family is. This typically happens on photos I post on FB or when I interact with someone I knew before BJ and I started a family or even started dating. At first I thought nothing of it and then I realized that a lot of times it is a white person's attempt at letting me know they are ok with the fact that I'm with a black man. It annoys me. My family IS beautiful but I don't need anyone's approval.

While it does annoy me I never say anything. It is nice to know that people are accepting. People who do not approve of our family/relationship are never afraid to show their disapproval so it's refreshing when people smile or show their approval. But it still rubs me the wrong way.

A Week of Tests

Early this week I had decided that I was going to try to change my outlook and be more positive about things in general. I was going to be starting my first week of three at Chipotle full time. The semester is over so my adjuncting job is over and I need to make up the money. I thought to myself, this is the most temporary of situations, I'm going to be working there only 3 weeks full time/ 5 days a week. We are moving so soon and our life is about to get hectic so I just wanted to be more calm, more positive, and more patient. 

Monday night after I got home from work I broke out in some kind of huge, red, scary looking rash. It was covering my entire stomach and thighs and a little bit of my legs, chest, and shoulders. Giant red welts. It freaked me out! It itched to high heavens. Only thing BJ and I could figure after some googling because we both were like WTF?!?!?!!!! is that I had some kind of allergic reaction to the soap residue in his shower poof (I had never used it before cuz I don't usually shower in his bathroom). 

It seemed to go away the next morning and I was fine at work until about 6. I was itching mildly but by the time I was home from work and had gotten Cameron to bed the itchy, burny sensation was unbearable.This time my entire back was covered and so BRIGHT RED! My shoulders and chest along with my thighs and stomach were pretty bad but not nearly as bad as my back. I'm thinking this definitely isn't an allergic reaction to any soap residue. But my wonderful man went and got some benadryl for me and it helped so much with the itching. We did some googling around again and finally figured out I had hives. I had these once before when I was a kid. 

I also have been having this weird thing with the palms of my hands and soles of my feet where these purply red marks come up and they're hot and tender. Those popped up on Tuesday night as well. 

Acid reflux  (the kind that feels like someone is running a dull knife up and down your esophagus) woke me up at about 5 in the morning. We didn't have any zantac which is the only thing that helps with my acid reflux but I decided to try to use the baking soda water trick I had to do one time when I was pregnant with Cam after eating 5 Tums didn't help. That didn't help either. I had to be to work at 8 so I got in the shower at 6:30 and puked up tums and baking soda. 

I left for work early and got some zantac and I made it through Wednesday at work just fine, no hives, the acid reflux slowly subsided. Every day so far this week I managed to maintain a good attitude at work. I didn't dread going in. I was pretty friendly with everyone. 

That night the hives didn't really pop up. I had a few tiny itchy patches. But it was bearable. But the hand thing (it was only my palms this month) oh it was so bad. Worse than it's ever been. My hands were hot and felt tight and tender. The areas that were purply red were burning. 

I woke up Thursday and it was hard to bend my fingers for a bit but it got better. All day at work my hands were unusually sensitive to heat. But still no hives and it was a good day. 

Thursday night the hives came back. I had no huge patches but just little red welts (hives) ALL OVER. Yay Benadryl!

Woke up Friday morning and I was more itchy than I had been other mornings. But it was bearable. Until about 2:30 when I was in the grill area which is by far the HOTTEST part of the place. By 3 I was looking at the clock lamenting the fact that I had 4 and half more hours to work. I couldn't wait to be done making chips and I hustled through my 4 heaping pans. I found myself on the line the rest of the night working tortilla (the hottest position on the line) and broke down and took just 1 benadryl. 

I finally couldn't handle it and just couldn't be friendly. I could be cordial but let my irritation show. Was exaggeratedly nice to a few people. Once the benadryl kicked in I felt myself physically relax and begin to have a better night. But I was ditzy and drowsy and still slightly irritated. 

I can't help but feel that I was tested the entire week. Like the cosmos were fucking with me for vowing to change the way I look at things. I don't think I failed now that I'm home and chilling. I'm happy to have the next two days off and I think I did a pretty damn good job of remaining positive this week. I'm pretty itchy right now but I don't really want to take benadryl because I just want to hang out with my man and enjoy his company. I'm feeling pretty good despite the itching and I am feeling like I deserve it. Even if I low-level lost my cool today. 

Fun with Gifts from Alison!!!

My long time awesome friend Al sent some presents from South Korea! I love the beauty stuff she sends me. The face masks are amazing 100% of the time. Here's some pics of Cam enjoying his new back pack and hat (which I will be stealing).

Here he is inspecting his schwag.

I put it on him and he was off!

And back out into the living room.

Checking out the penguin hat.

Snatched it from daddy and treating it like his blankie. Cute.

Hehehehehe...

He's pretty much worn the backpack all day. And I he threw the most epic temper tantrum when I took it off of him to put him in the high chair. And I do mean epic.

Thanks Al -- we love EVERYTHING. The stationary stuff is soooo cute I might just die.

30 Day Photo Challenge -- Day 22 -- Hands

Taken with my HTC Evo 4g with the Vignette filter on the Vignette app.

B and I were both freaked out by how he picked this up and started acting like he was playing. He held it right and everything. Weird.

I have been sooooooooooo busy. This time of year is always going to be crazy for us with Cam's bday two weeks before xmas but this year got even crazier with my graduation!

Cheryl DeFlavis, MA

hahahahaha, had to do it :)

Presenting Motherhood

November 11 - 13 I attended the National Women's Studies Association's annual conference. On a whim two other students from my graduate cohort and I put a panel together based on papers that we wrote in our Bodies and Technology course. We asked our professor to be our moderator since we knew she planned on attending. We were super excited that we got accepted but didn't really talk about it much.

Our department had a dress rehearsal for us that only served to make us more nervous, I think. Though I got a lot out of it and went to the conference feeling pretty confident. 

I really had a great time on this trip. It was the most saturated I had been in academia in a long time. I reveled in it. I felt more like myself than I had in a long time. 

The first session I went to was called Mothering and Hip Hop. omg, so good, even if it was an advertisement for a book that was coming out in a few months. I saw sessions on pedagogy, and activism, and mothering, and teaching trans, and online feminism/ activism. I participated in one highly interactive panel in which we broke into groups and mapped out bodies using beauty products. Then we mapped out the bodies we wanted to see. We added things like tattoos and voice and community and strength. I loved that it incorporated feminist pedagogy in the conference setting. So refreshing!

Since having a baby and going the whole "work-from-stay-at-home-mom" route I am not as immersed in school/ my academic life as I would like to be. My first semester of grad school I felt like I lived on campus. I had a shared office with 6 other people. We laughed, and fought, and cried. We had dinner parties, and I made two of my best friends in the world. Those 2 girls and I would stand outside and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and bond over the fact that we were in committed relationships and in school and not looking for friends (so funny). During the period where we wrote final papers for our seminars and graded undergraduate papers the 4 of us women in the program were cemented together for life. We spent long days in the library together buying one another coffee and snacks. Bringing fruits and veggies to share with one another. Supporting each other and snapping  one another back to reality when necessary. I spent all night with one of them and we bonded through our usual food, coffee, and cigarettes and wrote together all night long; we only slept 2 hours. Then got up and went to meet the others at the library.

When I transferred to my new department I spent a lot of time with my new cohort as well. We socialized a lot and talked and joked about feminist theory and pedagogy. I was pretty pregnant by this time and it was great to still have the freedom to go out and do whatever. But by the end of my first semester with them I was finishing final papers early and preparing to have a baby. I could not pull any all nighters. Everything had changed. I was removed from my submersion in intellectualism and thought and pondering. 

Going to this conference brought me back to my first semester. I even got to see one of the best friends I made my first semester. I got to bond with two of the women from my cohort now and we had some pretty interesting experiences. In three words, "Suck my C.V.". 

The chair of my internship committee introduced me to one of my favorite scholars. She writes about and has collected wonderful anthologies about motherhood. I got to chat it up with her (hopefully impress her) and get a few of  her books for super cheap!

We had a really awesome dinner with 2 of our profs. I don't think I'll ever forget it!

We stayed up late at night and cracked up over Paula Deen Riding Things and Feminist Hulk and our anxiety over our presentation. We realized once we got there that we were somewhat over our heads and that it was kind of a big deal that we were presenting at this national conference. We were 3 of about 5 Master's students who were presenting. Holy Shit!

I had a really good time and the experience was cathartic and liberating and somewhat guilt inducing. I was nervous before we left because it was the longest I was going to be away from Cameron since he was born. As we walked to the restaurant to go to dinner with our profs my chair asked me, "So, do you miss Cameron?" I said that I didn't miss him as much as I thought I would. She looked at me and said, "And that's OK". I hadn't realized that I didn't miss him as much as I expected until I was answering her question so I was smashed with guilt and her reply was exactly what I needed to hear.

Once I got home and thought about all this a lot more I realized that it really was okay. One of the things I promised myself, that BJ and I promised ourselves, was that we wouldn't lose our identity in the process of becoming parents. We were naive to think that was possible. It wasn't as though I lost who I am on the inside, the essence of what makes me Cheryl, but we've both lost the activities that made up so much of our identities. So, it really was okay that I went away to a conference and "rediscovered myself". It really was okay that part of me didn't quite want to leave yet when we had to. It really was okay that I didn't miss my son to the degree that I thought I would.

I'm so glad I reconnected with my nerdy intellectual self. I have felt re-energized and ready to tackle my last couple of weeks of school before I graduate. And I learned a lot about being the kind of mother who allows herself to do the activities that define her once in a while without succumbing to guilt. 

Adventures in Domesticity -- Liquid Laundry Soap Edition

As I mentioned in my entry about my home made dishwasher detergent I have also been making my own laundry soap. I tried powder but as I also said before -- we love laundry soap that smells really good in my house -- especially the beej. He's not sure it's clean unless it smells really fresh. I wasn't so happy with the powdered because I didn't feel it got incorporated very well together and once I got to a certain point the bits of shaved soap weren't getting any smaller. I also ran through the soap much more quickly and it made less than the recipe said.

After hunting around a bit I found a recipe that I could make in my 3 gallon bucket. Most of the recipes I found were for HUGE batches in 5 gallon buckets, so I was happy to run across it. I was also armed with the knowledge from reading the comments on other recipes that I could add essential oils to my liquid laundry soap.

The recipe called for the following ingredients:

1/3 bar Fels-Naptha or Zote laundry soap (or any other bar soap that doesn't have added scents, like ivory)

1/2 cup Washing Soda

1/2 cup Borax

10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons (my addition)

I decided to add Tea Tree oil for its antiseptic qualities (and I like the way it smells) and Lavender oil. Oils are sort of expensive, but I already had these on hand and so little is used at a time that it is still economical. I used 8 drops of each because . 

I also doubled the soda and the borax to increase the washing power since BJ is a chef and his coats and chef pants get pretty greasy and nasty. 

So then the recipe calls for you to: 

• grate the soap and add to 6 cups of water and heat until soap melts

•   add the washing soda and borax and stir until it dissolves

• remove from heat and put 4 cups of hot water into your bucket

• add the soap mixture and stir

• then add 1 gallon and 6 cups of water and stir

• let the soap sit for 24 hours to gel (should be an egg drop soup like consistency)

• add the oil after the soap has completely cooled (took about 8 hours)

Use 1/2 cup per load of laundry. I double it for the load of BJ's chef/ work clothes that I do weekly.

I originally intended to keep the soap stored in the bucket, but didn't want to have stir it every time I used it so I began looking for a container that would make it easy to store and then shake and pour. I had just happened to buy some cat litter (don't worry I washed the container out REALLY REALLY well) and was happy to not have to put the container in the trash. It works out really well. 

Yup. Next I need to think of a clever name for my soap so I can make a cool label for the container.

I didn't smell the oil after my first load but noticed that I liked the cleaning power of this homemade soap A LOT more than I liked the powder soap. My pastels and whites didn't seem dingy anymore which I loved.

So I did a little more digging around and found suggestions to add oil to the rinse cycle. I use a downy ball filled with white vinegar as a rinse aid (it is supposed to be good for removing soap residue) and I add 10 drops of oil to the downy ball.

I didn't have a dropper for the oil so I cleaned out this bottle and dropper (which used to be infant gas drops).

I still don't notice much of the smell on the clothes come out of the wash. But I like that it smells good while I'm doing laundry.

I'm not sure what I'm going to try next to increase the "smell good". But I do know that next time I make the detergent I'm going to do all tea tree oil in the detergent and add lavender to only the rinse aid. I'm also going to double the Fels-Naptha to make the soap a little more concentrated.

I'm sort of ok with my clothes not smelling strong since the smell goes away pretty quickly with the strongly smelling store bought detergents but I think I'll have to start adding bounce sheets to BJ's chef stuff. Unless, I can come up with some other idea for smell good! lol -- maybe a wash cloth that soaks in oil and water in between loads of laundry?

Next I'm going to make some household cleaners!